Reasons, season, lifetimes.

For the last week or so I have found myself struggling with the twists and turns life has dealt.  During these times, we hear many comforting words and phrases as we try to make sense and find reasons for what is happening because after all, “Everything happens for a reason”. Doesn’t it?

When I look back at my life and the pivotal moments where it felt as though the rug had been pulled from under me, I can now see the bigger picture and admire the Universe for its amazing plan.  I find myself wondering why it is difficult to do that while I am going through all this.

I think it is one of the hardest things to do when you have invested yourself in something you really want.  You make that decision to follow a path and for whatever reason – pride, control, stubborness I do not want to let go.  I do not wish to be proved wrong or face the disappointment of things diverting from the plan.

I think this was why it took me so long to follow my dreams and discover the creativity in me.  I have faced many things in my life but this seemed like the scariest.  To do this, to start dabbling in the craft world and putting my beloved creations out in the big wide world for sale was to open myself up to criticism, disapproval or just plain rejection.  Of course, I did not want to contemplate the amazing consequences of going on this adventure- it was easier to be prepared for the worst.

After this latest chapter in my life however, I am starting to realise that I don’t want to live like this any more.  If I am out there doing this and feeling these feelings, surely there are other people out there feeling the same? We do not really talk about it, instead we compete, criticise or ignore – yes, I’ve done this to others I’ve identified with but most of all the biggest target of all this is me.

I have realised from all this that I do not want to act like this anymore.  I want to look at my work creative or not, at my life and be proud of what I’ve accomplished, admire myself for getting to this point and dream big dreams for the future and start learning that I deserve all the blessings in my life.  I don’t know how I am going to do this, all I know is that I am going to do it slowly and one day at a time.  If I can’t do it for myself right now I want to make sure I start this journey for my daughter – to lead by example.  I want her to grow up trusting herself and her opinion, making decisions based on what is best for her and not for other people and dancing through life to whatever tune she wants to dance to – just because she can.

So as difficult as this last week or so has been, and all the words that have been heard but not truly felt, the purpose of all this upheaval has started revealing itself to me.  Maybe after all…..things really do happen for a reason.  Onwards and upwards 🙂  

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