Bah humbug

My last post was all about Christmas cheer and the joys of the festive season. Today, however my mood couldn’t be further from the excited, hopeful individual that wrote that piece.

As I write today, I feel as though I have regressed to a sulky teenager, someone who wants to hit out at the world and hibernate.

What’s changed? No one particular thing, maybe a culmination of many events, many interactions with others and many feelings and emotions I am struggling to deal with.

The house move is filling my life with uncertainty and while people are doing their jobs, it is exactly that – their job. It is not their life that’s on hold, their life that’s turned upside down and boxed up ready to go.

I feel as though my life is not my own. I am at the mercy of others for many different things and I am not in control; my usual default mode.

I am a homebody. I am the first to admit that my favourite place on earth is my bed and I am never happier than when I am at home with my family. I enjoy socialising but there’s nothing better than that feeling when you walk in to the warmth of your home, your sanctuary. That for me, is not there at the moment and it’s so difficult. My life is boxed up. My home is not my own.

I want to lock the door, keep everyone out. I want to take control and do things my way. I want to sulk like a petulant child and scream at anyone who wants to talk to me. I want to act out to try and find some way of exorcising these feelings. I want others to understand what it’s like.

But they won’t. As with any situation, there are those that feel they know best. There are those who want to fix you. There are those who will tell you they’ve been through it and understand. The thing is, no matter how similar our experiences, no two situations are exactly the same. We will all have different experiences, different reactions. We are all individuals.

So for today, I want to lock the door, shut out the world and hide under the duvet, metaphorically speaking. I know I will find that positivity again soon but just for today I need to hide, to lick my wounds and deal with all these changes. There is no quick fix out of these feelings and I don’t know where they’ll lead but just for today this is how I feel.

Until next time,

Toni xx

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Christmas cheer

Christmas in October? The mere thought of it has people groaning and running for the hills. Despite this, it’s now common place to see ‘Back to School’ displays being replaced by the festive displays to entice the shopper in. From the earliest moment they can, shops are encouraging the consumer to buy the latest toy or gadget to make their loved ones Christmas perfect.

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As a crafter, I hold my hand up that I have also begun to create and advertise my christmas items. Although there are many who deny the festive season is coming, many people embrace it and prepare. They drool over beautiful displays in shop windows and purchase gifts before the panic buying begins. I have been working through a pile of Christmas orders for a few weeks and starting to look forward to December and all the sparkle that comes with it.

Facing an impending house move with two kids under 6 and a busy half term at work, the thoughts of a cosy Christmas in a new house with all the decorations up has cheered me up and given me something to look forward to in the midst of what feels like a mountain of cardboard boxes and endless rolls of packing tape. It has made me wonder if that is one of the reasons behind our enthusiasm to welcome the festive season.

Maybe shops are partly to blame for advertising the must have present of the year, the endless stocking fillers we should buy and the mountains of food we need for the big day and the dayss up to it but are we happy to buy into it because it is a nice escape from life? There’s something about Christmas that (for me anyway) brings excitement, anticipation and happiness. Yes, the shops are busy but there seems to be a buzz in the air. It is a time when life slows down, even for a few days. We have an excuse to watch cheesy heartwarming films and indulge in food and drink we wouldn’t normally eat.

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There may be arguments, there may be burnt Christmas dinner offerings and not everything will go to plan but I love going to my mums for Christmas morning bacon sandwiches. I won’t lie that I like opening my presents but I love watching others open their presents; watching my daughters faces as they discover their presents from Father Christmas is a joy.

In today’s world, I think we are all looking for that little bit of magic in our busy lives. To start preparing for and looking forward to Christmas earlier, I think, is to encourage the positivity it brings for a bit longer. There is a danger of focusing on all the consumerism of it all but Christmas is what you make it. There may be those that won’t even mention the C word until mid December but I am not one of them. It’s true that you won’t find me finishing my Christmas shopping early or buying a mountain of presents but give me a Christmas CD and some festive fabric this time of year and I am happy. Stopping for coffee and cake breaks during my shopping, making mulled wine and sitting down to my Marks and Spencer christmas dinner on the 25th is heaven.

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Needless to say, the thought of all this makes me smile. When I have finally unpacked all my craft supplies in my new den 😀 I shall breathe a sigh of relief and make a new Christmas decoration for our new home – well it would be rude not to! When we move to the new abode, I will be motivated to get the house straight to enjoy a clutter free Christmas.

Whether you are a fan of celebrating Christmas early or whether you prefer to ignore it altogether, I hope there is a bit of magic waiting for you in the days and weeks to come. Oh and when I regale you with all the stories of moving house, remind me to re-read this and reaquaint myself with my sunny disposition 🙂

Until next time,

Toni xx

Moving on

Well I hold my hands up. I admit over the past few months my poor blog has been more than a little neglected 😦

In my last post, I was telling you lovely lot about our plans to put the house on the market. In truth, that now seems like decades ago. We did indeed put the house up for sale and promptly went on holiday…along with all the house buyers.

For the first few weeks I wondered whether we had made a mistake. I tried desperately to be positive but everyone seemed more interested in sunshine than bricks and mortar. Everyone must have thought I was losing the plot. Houses are often on the market for months and sometimes years in today’s climate yet here I was – panicking that we hadn’t had any interest in the first few weeks!

I look back now however and feel incredibly blessed. Just before our month chock-a-block with weddings, a few weeks after we saw the for sale sign going up, we accepted an offer.

Since that day we have attended a few weddings….

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We have found a house of our own….

We have got a few new grey hairs thanks to solicitors and estate agents…

Oh and we Have seen our eldest start Y1…. (Not sure where those 5 years went!)

In the last couple of weeks we have started packing and sorting years of stuff and clutter. No, we haven’t got a moving date yet but as I’ve learnt in the last 5 years, getting things done with children around makes you 10x slower 😉

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Despite the ups and downs of this interesting journey, I can’t wait for this new chapter. Stressful it may be but it is also a time of new beginnings, hope and promise.

Although I’m busy with orders at Dollies Daydream, I’m looking forward to carving some time out to make some Christmas garlands for the staircase and maybe a themed wreath for the door to my new craft room.

Until next time,

Toni x

Ps should I ever voice a wish to move again in the near future, please tell me not to be so daft 😉