Challenge and progress

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I’m nearly three weeks in to the 100 happy days challenge. How am I doing? Well… My children and food seem to be featuring regularly each day. 😉

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Have I learnt anything from it so far? I’m not sure. What I do know is that it has made me more aware of how I feel each day – I am conscious of what makes me smile and what I enjoy.

This has been very timely. It has given me something to focus on at a time when I have been finding it difficult to feel positive. This week has been the 5th week with Labyrinthitis – far longer than I ever thought I’d be experiencing it. Earlier this week, I couldn’t lift my head off the pillow for severe dizziness and nausea.

Those days, I was struggling to post positivity on Facebook. What the challenge did help me to do was see something good in a difficult day. I can honestly say if I wasn’t doing this challenge, I probably wouldn’t have tried to do so and probably would have felt even worse.

In all honesty, I desperately want to be writing blogs about my creations, my ideas and my inspirations. Maybe that’s what you click on here hoping to find…. If it is bear with me!

I desperately want to be posting photos of my works in progress. When it comes down to it just to get up without feeling dizzy sounds like the best gift in the world right now!

So despite all I want to do, despite what I want to show you this is where I am today. I hope beyond hope that there is an end to it soon. Until then bear with me. Until then, enjoy my moments of happiness I am sharing each day – it allows me to feel normal for a moment each day and allows me to pretend I’m doing ok 🙂

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Wherever you are in life, I would definitely recommend it. As time goes on maybe I will surprise you with other things that make me smile. I hope some of my posts bring a little sunshine to you too.

Until next time,

Toni xx

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Stopped in my tracks

A few weeks ago I wrote about life having other plans to us. Today, I am coping with another of life’s spanners that suddenly came my way. 

Earlier last week I was doing great. I had put the finishing touches on a wreath I had been commissioned to make by a customer. The culmination of new ideas and hard work, I looked upon it with pride. 
Safari ring wreath copyright Toni Reeder 2014 
Work went well and I was enjoying the sunshine and signs of spring while out walking with my girls. 

Pancake day saw us sitting down as a family to enjoying chocolate chip American breakfast pancakes (courtesy of Nigella). 

I was enjoying life, enjoying catching up with family and friends and proud of my accomplishments. Then, suddenly, I began to feel increasingly sea-sick. Before I know it, I’m diagnosed with Labrynthitis and off work for a week. 
If someone had told me about this illness, I would have struggled to believe it was real and so debilitating. 
The last few days have seen me getting acquainted with my settee and bed. I’ve had to let my mum take over childcare while the other half has been at work. I have gone from holding on to walls to keep me upright to crawling on the floor to get around safely without being sick. 
Maybe one day I will be able to laugh about it all….at the moment I don’t. I feel guilty; guilty I can’t take care of my children (who thank goodness are being endlessly patient), guilty I am not in work and teaching my students, guilty I am laying down while the world is moving on and around me.  I am someone who likes independence and with this I am forced to rely on others and am struggling to deal with this fact. 
What it has given me though, is time. Looking back, I wonder if this is telling me something – that I should slow down? That something in my life needs to change? That there’s something out of balance in my life? I’m not sure I’ve got the answers just yet but it seems I may have a while to mull it over. 
Until next time, 
Toni